LEGEND OF THE LUNATIC MAMA
By: Donna and Kyle McCartney
There was once a beautiful,
kind-hearted, fair haired angel that grew up to become a loving mother.
She made three
sisters and two brothers. She had one
more, but they destroyed the other.
Her kids were horrid
little monsters that ate her out of house and home.
Who wouldn’t eat
their veggies and gave each other wedgies.
Constantly slurping,
farting and burping.
Who wouldn’t bathe or
brush their teeth.
That fought all day
and all night and wouldn’t do anything right.
Jumping on the
furniture and bouncing on the bed.
Her children didn’t
listen to anything that she said.
Mother’s face
furrowed with a frown, as the kids turned her world upside down.
She ripped at her
hair and wrung her hands. Hormones surged
through her mammary glands.
Her heart was filled
with dread. And then one day, the kids came
upon her … obviously dead.
Mother tossed and
turned in the devil’s keep, undergoing a transformation in her sleep.
She rose with the
devil by her side, looking for her children who ran off to hide.
Cracking a whip, she
demanded that her kids ~ shut up and sit.
She ordered them to
clean up their room or it was doom, doom, DOOM!!!!!
And that was only the
beginning; her kids’ heads were spinning …
Gone were the days of
dragon’s breath and beating each other half to death!
She’d silenced the
slurping, farting and burping.
She’d squashed the
wedgie brigade in a single stormy tirade.
Every child let out a
thunderous SCREAM, because the Lunatic Mama had invaded their perfect dream.
Mother said with a
sinister grin that she’d let the wolves in.
They’d eat every bad
girl and boy while stealing their favorite toy.
She had her hands on
her hips wielding her newfound power.
Then shouted over her
shoulder as she strutted off to take a refreshing shower:
They were to be nice
to each other and take care of one another.
And above all else –
cherish their Mother.